Thursday, April 18, 2024
Tempest
Early to noon
Follows down
The time you took
To right wrongs;
And to honestly
Sit with the wind-
Reminding you
That you can only control
Your reaction to the rain.
Instead of cowering,
Stand for what you want,
What you believe
And fight for the sky
Outside the eye
Saturday, April 13, 2024
Sadly
I have created a world
Where no one cares
If I’m here or a birthday
Or a father
Or a sun
Or the time
That comes
With the passing of peace
I have become
The fear
That I harbor
To the point
Where I can not pretend
But I want love
And love won’t find
Falsehoods wrapped in
Skepticism
Multiplied by doubt
So the birthday sun
Sleeps slower
To the side
Of all missed
In aisles of smiles
Monday, April 08, 2024
Food and love
Wells and I went and had lunch and a haircut today. I had my first ever pit beef submarine sandwich.
And I told him that the place we ate was pretty good. Now the place we ate was a rundown shithole though. As a matter of fact it’s all turning into that here. It’s likely time to move north or somewhere else.
I should have explained to him that food - like love - can be found in any enivorment. Food doesn’t take any certain extreme skill - it takes love. To make something good you need to pay attention, think of your audience, think of them enjoying it and the happiness it brings. Then you need to do it over and over every day. And that’s love.
Saturday, April 06, 2024
Your brain needs to heal
I think the anxiety, euphoria, or laziness caused by drugs or alcohol eventually seeps into your psyche and convinces you that’s who you are.
How many people do you know identify as stoners, alcoholics, or drug addicts?
Thats who they are… they joke about it, live it everyday as if that shouldn’t tell them that this is who they are. Some are proud of it even and then that’s who they become. And its sad. If you drink everyday that’s a part of you. If you do drugs everyday that’s a part of you. Same as going to the gym or going to work. More so even because you’re escaping maybe.
That pattern has to stop before it becomes permanent. I’ve already lead down that path far too far. And I better become much more intellectual, quiet, and strong before it’s too late.
I think being a real bad ass is actually being the best person you can be and not some guy that drinks or does drugs. Thats a real badass. You can have a drink - but you should never get drunk. You shouldn’t joke about bad behaviors. It makes you look like a peasant. I want to live my life from now on - and it better start now before it’s too damn late.
Monday, April 01, 2024
The 3 of you
I think every father wants to say last words to his children - tonight I had a dream about it but wanted to mark it down
Ella - my oldest, my first ever real love, so strong and smart with the biggest heart that anyone who is worthy would know its value from so far. The day you were born my life changed for so much better. You made me fall in love with being alive and every second ive ever spent with you I take with me in everything I do. You made me want to be a better person.
Wells - my son. My smart - so smart and funny son. I always wanted a son just like you. I always wanted my best friend and you never disappointed. You beat all the odds and I know you’re going to grow to be a great man and a great friend. I’m so proud of everything you do and I couldn’t love anything more than you. Sometimes when you sleep I sit outside your door and thank God for you. I thank him for giving me the opportunity to be the person I always wanted to be - and you made that happen.
Piper - you are the light of our family, You are the energy and the chosen one out of all of us. You’re pure and funny and smart and eager and you’re the one that will take your brother and sister farther. You’re the legacy I always wanted because I know you’ll do great things for others. I hope to see your life shine on with that light from any distance. You’re the most special of all of us. Don’t you ever quit on them. They need you. And you’re too important to forget that. They won’t understand it - but you will.
Saturday, March 30, 2024
Tickets
I don’t know if this is me being weird or not - but I have 2 acquaintenances tickets to opening day - they both thanked me via phone. Which was fine.
The tickets value obviously would have been uncomfortable for them and I asked for no money. I even stopped by to say hi at some point.
I hate the thing I’m going to say next - both of them posted on social media about sitting behind a local radio dj and thanking him for being so cool - neither one thanked me. That’s all. I’m shallow.
Saturday, March 09, 2024
Video
I would be all the money in the world that if I saw myself out with people via a video I would change how I behave. Loud and selfish - self centered and stupid - ugly and wild.
I don’t listen to other people. They’re not stupid. They’ve told you your whole life that your behavior is off putting. Try to control yourself or find a different way to use what energy you have left
